Ambiguous Grief: Coping with the Emotional Challenges of Uncertain Loss

The National Council on Aging (NCOA) reports that dementia, including Alzheimer's disease (AD), affects nearly 12% of American adults 60 and over.

One of the most characteristic signs of dementia is memory loss. Seniors with this condition may eventually forget their relationships and become unable to recognize their loved ones. As a result, family members may experience ambiguous grief.

Ambiguous dementia-related grief is a profound sense of loss and sadness not associated with the death of a loved one. It's often due to losing an emotional connection with a person whose physical presence remains.

The feeling of uncertain loss that caregivers and loved ones of a person with dementia can be debilitating. However, there are effective coping mechanisms that can help.

The caring team at our senior living community, La Marea Senior Living in Carlsbad, CA, has shared tips for coping with ambiguous grief and maintaining caregiver emotional health, so please read on.

Validate Your Feelings of Ambiguous Grief

Validating your emotions is the first step to coping with ambiguous loss. It allows you to acknowledge the real and significant loss you experience, even if others don't readily recognize it. It can also help you process your emotions, which is essential to healing and preventing feelings of isolation.

One way to validate your loss is to tell yourself what you feel, either in just your mind or aloud when you're alone. Saying something like, "I am so sad," or "What I feel is a real loss, even if it's not obvious to others," is a good way to start.

Another strategy is to create a journal about everything happening to you, including your emotions. Whenever you feel despair settling in due to uncertainty of your loved one's condition, write whatever is on your mind. It can provide an outlet and help lift some of the heavy burden caused by your feelings.

Recognize Both Negative and Positive Emotions

For some people, ambiguous grief can be more devastating than the sorrow caused by a loved one's passing. After all, the person they grieve for is still physically present but emotionally or mentally absent.

Dementia can make it even more challenging as the condition and its symptoms progress (e.g., worsening memory loss and communication problems). So, it's easy to see how the loved ones of seniors with dementia may focus on their grief.

Although understandable, it's crucial for people experiencing ambiguous loss to also look at the positive side. Focusing only on the negative may make you feel more stressed and raise your risk of developing depression. Depression is common among caregivers; according to a U.S. CDC report published in 2024, the prevalence of lifetime depression among caregivers was 25.6% between 2021 and 2022.

One way to encourage positive emotions is to welcome the thought of spending more quality time with your loved one. Imagine how nice it would be to visit them more often.

Another tip is to recall all the wonderful times you've spent with your loved one. Consider writing these down in your journal, as it can further help you validate your negative and positive emotions.

Remember That It's Okay to Cry

Denying the loss you feel can only prolong and intensify the pain. So, allow yourself to grieve, and don't hold back on crying. Crying can be therapeutic, enabling you to cleanse and ease the negative emotions you feel.

Experts also validate the benefits of crying, as it can help release built-up emotions and provide a natural way to process complex, devastating experiences. As Psychology Today points out, researchers have found that the act releases endorphins like oxytocin, which are natural chemicals that ease emotional and physical pain. After crying, you may experience emotional catharsis and a better mood.

Crying can also aid with psychological processing. When you allow yourself to cry, you can confront difficult emotions, helping you better understand them and letting you explore other coping mechanisms that could work best for you.

Seek Support

People are highly social beings who must be with others, especially during trying times. Family members and friends can offer social and emotional support as you navigate your ambiguous loss journey.

You should also consider joining social support groups like the Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA). There, you can find others in a similar situation trying their best to cope with their uncertain loss.

Professional grief counseling is another option that can help you cope with ambiguous grief. It provides a safe way to explore the complex emotions and uncertainties surrounding your loss. Your counselor can help you confront them and develop healthy coping skills.

Consider Memory Care for Your Loved One

As dementia progresses, a person with this condition will likely need help with more daily activities and constant monitoring. All these can further intensify your feelings of ambiguous grief. In this case, you and your loved one may benefit from the compassionate and personalized care a memory care community can provide.

When your loved one transitions to memory care, they can:

Rely on highly experienced and compassionate professional staff 24/7 for attentive personal care
Participate in activities, such as art, music, and pet therapy, to help with behavioral concerns
Enjoy many physical, recreational, and social events for overall health and well-being
Access to innovative and research-based programs specifically for people with dementia

You and your other family members can also benefit from reduced stress and burnout. You can have more peace of mind knowing that your loved one is in a safe environment with access to 24/7 care and support and many on-site amenities designed to help them live their life to the fullest.

Managing Ambiguous Grief Is Possible

Remember: Ambiguous grief is a valid, profound sense of loss and sadness, and acknowledging it is the first key step to coping. At the same time, you must recognize positive emotions, which you can write about alongside grief. Seeking help and having your loved one transition to memory care can also help everyone throughout the journey.

La Marea Senior Living is here to assist you every step of the way with our GENERATIONS Memory Care community. Expect tailored care from our highly trained and compassionate staff, who are available 24/7, and innovative programming designed to enhance our residents' quality of life.